I'm not sharing this for sympathy. I'm sharing because we've all been there. I'm sharing because insulin is not a cure. I'm sharing because I was reminded how much we in the DOC need each other, and how important the You Can Do This Project is.
Saturday was the WORST diabetes day I've had in a REALLY long time. Seriously.
Started out nicely enough. It was free shower day! Woohoo! After the shower, I go put a new CGM sensor in my butt. It went in fine; I felt no pain. But as soon as I turned around, I immediately felt like I was going to pass out and throw up.
I sit in the kitchen chair, and call for J. He comes running, holding me up in the chair in case I do pass out. Also, I am sweating. A lot. Like dripping. It's gross. I am simultaneously trying not to vomit and telling myself over and over again, "You will not pass out, you will not pass out..."
I'm also thinking, "Crap, how high am I?" And of course I took my old set out prior to my free shower. And never picked up more syringes after I ran out. Crap.
Eventually, J helps me to the couch. And brings me my meter. And we both breathe a huge sigh of relief when this pops up on the screen:
But now I am confused. What's going on? I roll over and rip out the sensor. As the minutes pass, I feel less and less like passing out. The ringing in my ears subsides, my stomach feels better, and the sweating stops.
I sit up, and J brings me supplies to get a new set in. And I feel fine.
The consensus is that I hit something when I put the sensor in, maybe a nerve, I don't know. But that was likely a pain response, even though it didn't hurt. Crazy, right?
So I go about getting ready, since I'm now feeling like I can go to dinner like we were originally planning, when I notice that my stomach is hurting again. And it feels like a ketone stomach ache. Lovely.
I check my bg, and this pops up:
Lovely. I look at the set, and oh good, I can see blood in it. Rip it out, and it's a total vampire cannula- full of blood. Change set again, bolus, and start chugging water. Guess we're not going to dinner. Oh, and that set left me with this parting gift:
Ok, about an hour later, and ketones are gone, and bg is
FINALLY, we can go out to dinner!
About an hour later, my CGM starts freaking out. It's rocketing up, saying 313, double up arrows. But I put it in only a few hours ago, so it can't be right, can it?
Ok, fine, I QUIT!!!!! Oh, I wish I could quit for the day. Let the rage bolus commence.
And then the tears started (thankfully, we were home already). Lots of tears, full blown ugly cry. I couldn't take it any more! I was DONE! On days like this, I want a cure so badly it hurts!
Bg finally settled down, and I stayed up way too late watching You Can Do This Project videos. Thanks to everyone who's made one. I NEEDED them last night. I needed people to remind me that I can do this.
What really gets me about all of this? My poor husband. J was a trooper. He held me when I thought I was going to pass out. He wondered whether or not to call 911. He held me when the ketones made me feel sick again. He held me while I sobbed.
It was a hellish day for him too. I can take whatever D throws at me, even if it's a day like Saturday. But what I hate the most is that it affects J too. I HATE diabetes for doing this to him.
Sunday, we did nothing. We were wiped out, both of us. And as I'm sitting here writing this Sunday night, I'm staring at this:
WHAT THE FRUCTOSE???? Do I need to change my set again? I know I had mexican for dinner, but seriously? What the hell? Guess I'm not going to bed anytime soon.
And I am so grateful to have you, my DOC friends. Cause I'm not really feeling like I can do this right now. Maybe I'll watch some more videos while I wait for the rage bolusing to catch up...