So yes, I am still alive, in case anyone was wondering! My summer schedule has been CRAZY! Fun, but crazy and exhausting.
And I'm finally writing some thoughts down here that I've been processing for a while. I had kind of a moment of enlightenment, per se, last week.
I was talking with Elisa on Twitter. We both recently came out of periods where we didn't really take care of our D. And I asked her how it's been for her to transition from not really taking care of herself to trying to get a handle on D. And it was a great discussion.
And I've been thinking about that conversation all week. And I realized that I am transitioning too. And that I need to be more patient with myself. As Scott said in his You Can Do This video, it's ok not to be perfect. I'm trying to remember that.
I've posted about some of this before. I spent years eating whatever I wanted, with my blood sugar running mostly in the 200s and 300s. I now realize that I was depressed.
My epiphany was that I am still living in transition. After I found the DOC back in November, I counted everything I put in my mouth, I exercised religiously, I was excited about taking care of myself.
This only lasted a few months. Then reality set back in. It was overwhelming. Going from not caring at all what the number on the meter said to caring too much. It was a shock to my system.
I have food issues. I struggle with emotional eating. I am doing better, but it's hard! I wish it was something I could just turn off. But my food issues aren't going to disappear overnight. Although I REALLY WISH they would. I really have trouble when my bg high. My brain says, "I'm high already, what the hell? Might as well pig out."
I am working on my food issues. It is getting better, slowly but surely.
I'm still trying to figure all of this out. I can do this. I am starting to believe that. But progress, not perfection, needs to be the goal. I am not perfect. I am never going to be perfect. And that's ok.
I can do this.