I'm not doing NaBloPoMo this go round. I just don't have the energy.
I know I've been absent for a while now. There's been some things going on in my personal life that have been demanding all my time and attention. The past few months have been hard. The health of my grandparents has been declining, and that's putting a lot of strain on my family. It's been difficult.
This might get rambly, but please stay with me. I've posted a number of times about my food issues (see here, here, here, and here). When things are going well, I feel like I have a handle on things. But then something happens that knocks me on my ass, and I'm back to square one.
I've known for a while that I needed to get some help in dealing with my emotional eating. I realize that diabetes (along with some other things I've been through) has totally effed up my relationship with food. It's turned into something I use to attempt to cope with my emotions, and that is not a healthy thing. My eating is why my A1c hasn't budged.
So with the full support of my husband, my family, and my friends, I finally did it. I asked for help.
I called my CDE and asked her to help me find a mental health professional (sidenote: there will be an entire post about that conversation because my CDE is AMAZING!). And just as I had hoped and prayed, she was able to help me find someone who specializes in eating disorders AND has experience working with people with diabetes! Yay!
When I spoke to her on the phone, this mental health professional said, "My passion is working with people who are eating when they don't want to be." Yes. Just yes. That is me.
I had my first appointment last week. I really like her, and I believe that she can help me. And as much as I wish there was a quick fix, I know there isn't. It's going to be a long process, but I hope and pray that at the end of it, I will be able to cope with my emotions in a healthier fashion.
I'm still overwhelmed by everything, but I know I'm headed in the right direction. And I have people who love me supporting me. And this includes the DOC.
Thank you, my DOC friends. I have read so many posts and heard so many stories from countless people in the DOC who have sought the help of mental health professionals. Thank you for sharing. Your courage has given me courage. I know that like with the diabetes, I am not alone in this struggle either. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and since I doubt I'll make it through a session without crying, I won't be wearing mascara for a while...