Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I Won't Be Wearing Mascara For A While

I'm not doing NaBloPoMo this go round.  I just don't have the energy.

I know I've been absent for a while now.  There's been some things going on in my personal life that have  been demanding all my time and attention.  The past few months have been hard.  The health of my grandparents has been declining, and that's putting a lot of strain on my family.  It's been difficult.

This might get rambly, but please stay with me.  I've posted a number of times about my food issues (see here, herehere, and here).  When things are going well, I feel like I have a handle on things.  But then something happens that knocks me on my ass, and I'm back to square one.

I've known for a while that I needed to get some help in dealing with my emotional eating.  I realize that diabetes (along with some other things I've been through) has totally effed up my relationship with food.  It's turned into something I use to attempt to cope with my emotions, and that is not a healthy thing.  My eating is why my A1c hasn't budged.

So with the full support of my husband, my family, and my friends, I finally did it.  I asked for help.

I called my CDE and asked her to help me find a mental health professional (sidenote: there will be an entire post about that conversation because my CDE is AMAZING!).  And just as I had hoped and prayed, she was able to help me find someone who specializes in eating disorders AND has experience working with people with diabetes!  Yay!

When I spoke to her on the phone, this mental health professional said, "My passion is working with people who are eating when they don't want to be."  Yes.  Just yes.  That is me.

I had my first appointment last week.  I really like her, and I believe that she can help me.  And as much as I wish there was a quick fix, I know there isn't.  It's going to be a long process, but I hope and pray that at the end of it, I will be able to cope with my emotions in a healthier fashion.

I'm still overwhelmed by everything, but I know I'm headed in the right direction.  And I have people who love me supporting me.  And this includes the DOC.

Thank you, my DOC friends.  I have read so many posts and heard so many stories from countless people in the DOC who have sought the help of mental health professionals.  Thank you for sharing.  Your courage has given me courage.  I know that like with the diabetes, I am not alone in this struggle either.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Oh, and since I doubt I'll make it through a session without crying, I won't be wearing mascara for a while...

24 comments:

  1. I am so glad you are pursuing ways to be the happiest, healthiest Jess you can be. Much love to you, friend. :)

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  2. love and hugs, Jess! i hope you reap all the benefits you can along this new road , both expected and unexpected! praying for you. *hugs*

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  3. Good Luck Jess!! You can do it, and I am so glad you are getting help where you need it. I have T1 and work in the MH field. Diabetes really messes with us emotionally and on so many levels! We are here for you all the way!!! Don't worry about the mascara... we don't care:)

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  4. Wow. What a brilliant, brave post Jess. You can do this. We are right there behind you. You are an amazing person!

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  5. Awesome! This is great, Jess! We're with you all the way!

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  6. You took the first step in something that will hopefully change you for the better - and yes, it can be long and not everything you learn will come from a session. (Been in and out of therapy most of my life.)

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  7. SO proud of your strength and determination, Jess!! I too struggle with eating issues, and am happy to hear you are taking steps to be healthier and happier. Also glad to hear you found someone to assist you that seems perfect for your situation. Hugs!

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  8. oh jess, thank you so much for sharing. the first step can often be the most difficult and intimidating, so it's huge that you've already started down this new path. rock on. we're all behind you!

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  9. Jess,
    We are praying for you here in OHIO! We are proud of your strength and courage!

    (((HUGS)))

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  10. ((( hugs ))) to you, Jess. You're brave for a 100 different reasons, but sharing your struggle with this is one of them. We're ALL here if you need us, and if you're feeling down in any way at all, a lightswitch rave can happen anytime, day or night.

    Thinking of you.

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  11. Jess!! This is EXCITING! I know it's scary, and a bit daunting, but I'm EXCITED for you!

    Bravo to you for taking this first step. I hope that you'll be open to talk about some of the things you learn, because I would bet that many of us who've grown up with diabetes wrestle with at least some similar things.

    Food is complicated for us, and it's hard because we can't just stay away from it altogether. Some days I try doing just that, and it totally backfires by about 7:00 PM.

    Anyway, this is great Jess, and I'm sure it will help you, which will, in turn, help many.

    Thank you.

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  12. Oh Jess, you have no idea what this post does for me! I, too, struggle with the exact same issue as you -- I did it this morning. I love you and I will support you every step of the way! You are not alone in this struggle, and having others who understand makes a difference. Thank you for having the courage to do this! I'm proud of you! Maybe one day, I'll do the same! Sending you a gigantic hug and many, many prayers!

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  13. Oh Jess. Thank you so much for sharing this and finding the courage and motivation to take the first step in sharing, and talking more about it. I too am proud... and so need to take some inspiration from you and get out there myself in grappling with emotional issues. We need to be our healthy happy selves, and kudos for you for working toward that. So many others have said it, but the same comes from this end - you have all the support and anytime you need it, just say so. Hugs, my friend.

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  14. Well, shoot. I'm just glad I'm not wearing mascara now - it's a day after Halloween and I'd look funnier than usual.
    I am sooooo proud of you. You almost make me wish I still lived in Kansas so I could be there to be with you.
    You are an inspiring young woman and I'm so happy I know you.
    Big HUG!

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  15. This is so great. You will be better for it! Proud of you, friend!

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  16. Jess, I'm glad you did this! The D-OC is all about asking for help, however you need it. I'll be praying for you. :)

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  17. you never know who's reading your posts, and by sharing this jess, you have already helped someone else suffering the same way you are. you showed them courage and strength in facing things, and asking for help when you need it most. we are all here for you and we know YOU.CAN.DO.THIS.!! ((hugs)) sent your way!

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  18. Jess,

    I'm proud of you and am so glad you are doing this!

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  19. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you! You are an amazing person!

    ((((((Big Hugs))))))

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  20. So brave and strong. Way to go, Jess!

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  21. I've started writing my comment three times and deleted what I had written each time. I can't find the right words.

    I'm proud of you. I'm excited for you. And I'm so happy to be your friend.

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  22. I've told you already, but I just want it etched in blog comment that I'm proud of you, and I am here if you need anything. I know that just by sharing, you are not only helping yourself, but you are also helping many others who are struggling with the same things. Bravo!

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  23. You are so brave, to share this. And I admire and LOVE you!

    Here for you always and sending nothing but positive energy and love your way!

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  24. I am so glad that you were able to ask for the help that you need. It's a hard thing to do, and I hope you find much success.

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