Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Here Goes Nothing

I don't really want to talk about it.  Not at all.

I've been putting off writing this post, because I just want everything to be fine.  I'm sick of dealing with this.

As I mentioned a while ago, things have been rather stressful of late.  There are some questions I'm waiting anxiously to be answered.  I've been pretty stressed.  And this has caused the eating has become a big problem again.

I'm so tired of dealing with this.  Why can't I just eat food like a normal person?  Why won't this just go away?

I know why, but I am just so SICK of dealing with the power that food seems to hold over me.

A large part of the problem is that I haven't seen my therapist in a long time.  When she took me on as a client, it was on a cancellation basis.  Meaning that she didn't actually have any openings, but would see me when one of her regular clients cancelled an appointment.

The problem is that people haven't been canceling.  And so I haven't seen her in months.  Which is not working for me.  When I first started, she had cancellations, and I was able to see her every few weeks.  And it helped SO MUCH.

But without it, I've backslid quite a bit, I'm ashamed to say.  It's painful for me to admit it.

Photo credit: NazarethCollege via Flickr Creative Commons

A few weeks ago, I was trying to work up the nerve to call my therapist and tell her that I needed to see someone else.  Someone who could fit me in on a regular basis.  When lo and behold, she calls me to suggest the very same thing.

So later this week, I have an appointment with a colleague of hers.  I know that this is the best thing for me.  And I have been assured that this colleague is wonderful and has experience with Type 1 Diabetes.  My therapist and I agreed that this is what I need to do.

But still.  It's going to be hard.  My soon to be former therapist is WONDERFUL.  I absolutely love her, and I'm nervous about starting over with someone new.  But this person can give me my own regular time slot, which is what I need.  And I completely trust my old therapist, so when she says this person is good, I am confident that she is.

But still.  My nerves about this are not helping my eating issues either.  Ironic, isn't it?

As nervous as I am, I'm also hopeful.  I'm ready to get back to getting better.  To get out of the sludge.  So here goes nothing.


  1. Jess,

    Good for you, I'm glad you'll be able to talk with someone!

    I'll keep you and that very pale man you live with in my thoughts!

  2. I hope that things improve very very soon and this therapist is even more awesome. :)

    1. I am so happy you are taking this step forward -- maybe if you don't like this new therapist you can go back, and maybe this will all have happened for a reason (new one will be awesome). I know when Lauren's therapist moved out of state she was very sad....)

      Also, it takes a brave and strong woman to face things head on -- hurrah for you and a lot of us are cheering for you. Hugs

  3. It's going to be okay, I'm sure. Stay brave!

  4. I am proud of you Jess, for taking care of yourself! Hang on sister.

  5. Sounds like this is best, Jess. Kudos to you for recognizing and taking that needed step. Hope talking to the new therapist helps. I know on my end, it has in helping me deal with my issues that I'd rather not. We are a work in progress, all of us. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  6. Hi Jess. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope that the new therapist is amazing and that you're back on track in no time! Good luck.

  7. I have one thing to say: Go, Jess, go!

    It's great to find help, and I hope this new person is great for you with more time than the last therapist. *hugs*

  8. I'm so happy that you're moving forward and committing to working with a new therapist who can see you regularly. As much as you liked working with your previous therapist, it sounds like the scheduling issues were too problematic, and you need more consistent appointments. I hope you're able to develop a strong relationship with the new therapist, and you get back on track towards recovery. As always, thinking of you...

  9. I figured out how to post. Duh! although I did it as a reply >>loser<<

  10. Finding the right "health" advisor is a lot like finding the right mate: 1) You have to be able to open up to them about things you don't with most people 2) They have to understand you and what makes you tick 3) It is a relationship that will last for a long time 4) They have to tell you how good looking you are and give you all their money. Okay, that last one is just wishful thinking whenever I meet someone. But seriously, best of luck and I hope the new therapist is a good replacement for what you had with the other one.

  11. One of the hardest things to do is to admit we need help. You've already done that! I know that starting over is scary but....you're beginning! That's just awesome. I know you will be feeling better in now time. Yay!

  12. I am so glad that you ARE talking about it. I admire you and your perserverance to take care of yourself, whatever the situation. Hugs!

  13. You're so brave to get the help you need. I have bulimia (with T1!), and getting help was the hardest thing I ever did. But hopefully things will improve for you, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We've come too far to take orders from food! Good luck :)

  14. When something isn't going right, the worst thing you can do is not make a change. Clearly, this arrangement wasn't working for you. So planning to see someone else, even if there's an "unknown" in doing so, can only be a good move for you. I truly believe it will work out for the best.

  15. i am so glad that you're making changes, and that you're sharing them with us. accountability is a tremendous motivator, i think. it's a sign that your original therapist is fantastic due to the fact that she anticipated your need to see someone else more regularly.

    start as you mean to go on! :)

  16. Fingers crossed and a prayer said that the new therapist will be just who you need.
    You have the smarts to know you need and want help. I think you'll find what you're looking for.
    Hugs, Jess...

  17. I'm so proud of you, Jess. I can't even imagine how hard taking this next step is, but I know it is one that will help you feel much much better. I'm over here rooting for you!!

  18. No one said it better than Christopher Robin (and I mean it seriously) -

    “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."