Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sometimes We Step Backwards

So I've had my first meeting with my new psychologist.  In fact, it's almost time for my second meeting with her.  I've been processing that first session and deciding what I want to say.

The good news is that I think this is going to work out.  This new psychologist was very nice and definitely has a lot of experience working with food issues and eating disorders, which is what I need.  Based on my first impression, she doesn't seem to know as much about Type 1 Diabetes as my old therapist, but I'll have to investigate that further.  And if she doesn't, then it's an opportunity for me to do some educating.

But there are two main reasons I think this is going to work.  First of all, I felt comfortable with her.  She was easy to talk to, and I cried about 10 minutes in, so we've gotten that out of the way.  The second thing is that I now have my own regular appointment time.

This is SO IMPORTANT!  This is why I switched.  I am ready to get better, and I feel like I am on the path towards that.

Part of why I got so emotional has to do with feeling like a failure.  After I started therapy initially, I was doing so well!  I was very conscious about what I ate, and was able to stop coping with food cold turkey, at least for a while.  I lost weight and felt great.

And then the newness wore off.  And there was a long lapse in my sessions.  And I backslid.  A lot.  Especially lately.  I hinted at it in my last post, but I was having some serious anxiety about a health issue. A small but extremely frustrating non-diabetes health issue.  One that I had about convinced myself was actually a big scary issue.

Now, I can thankfully report that it's not big and scary.  It is minor, being taken care of, and less frustrating.  Whew!  Not knowing what was going on was difficult.  I don't do well with the unknown.  I didn't even realize just how incredibly anxious I was about it until I wasn't anxious anymore.  Holy cow.

I was talking about all this with my therapist.  About how when I started therapy, I finally had hope that the emotional and binge eating would go away.  But somewhere in the last six months, that hope disappeared.

I'm trying to find it again.  Hope.  And all of you are helping me on that path.  Having my family, friends, and this community cheering me on helps so much!

My new therapist is helping me find hope too.  In my first appointment, she said that sometimes we move forward, and sometimes we step backwards.  And that's ok.  I'm ready to start moving forward again.


  1. Big hugs to you, Jess. <3

  2. Thinking of you Jess. And as the wise lady above me has said more than once . . . YOU CAN DO THIS! <3

  3. Orangutang! I mean Jess this was ever insightful and I am glad that you have things on the up and up even if the up has been hiding on you. You are awesome. Also I second the You Can Do This.

  4. Jess,

    First, I'm glad the other issue isn't stressing you any longer... things like that are a total pain in the rear

    B) I'm also glad that you like your new therapist and you're right, it is important to have regular appointments but it is even more important that you are ready to make a change. Changing therapists allowed you to collect all the pieces you need to support you while you go through this process.

    And it is a process, there have been times when I've felt like I was failing at it but, by keeping at it, I'm starting to see that there is a way past all these issues. I couldn't see that before because I needed help to get to that point, help that I didn't have.

    Big hugs, Jess! <3

    PS: I'm still working on getting my "Didn't cry in front of the therapist" badge... /wink

  5. Jess, I'm so glad to hear you've found a new therapist and feel comfortable. That is so important. I went to a couple initial appointments before finding one that worked (three's a charm?). Sometimes, stepping backward is the only way to appreciate how far forward you had gone, and being able to not only get there again but move forward even more. Hugs and good vibes your way, my friend!

  6. Something I read recently has helped me a lot - we don't expect children to learn the alphabet the first, second, etc. time they try. Why do we expect to get it right on the first try. It's a process not an event.

  7. "Sometimes we move forward, and sometimes we step backwards". And sometimes it's best to stand still with our feet firmly planted on the ground. Take some time to look around and recognize the wonderful people and wonderful things that surround us. Because, sometimes, when we're so busy moving, we lose sight of where it is we're trying to go.

  8. Kiddo, you are just so freaking amazing! You're my hero! ((((((Big Hugs))))))

  9. even backwards is still part of the journey. glad to hear you're off to such a great start with your new doc. and i'm glad your other health issue was resolved. onward! :)

  10. I'm glad the "other" health issue is finally getting resolved. It was like we were all falling apart at the same time for a few weeks there.

    You know I'm here (or there) if you need anything!