I'm almost afraid to say anything. I don't want to jinx it.
But here we go anyway.
YOU GUYS! I can honestly say, for the first time in a long time, that things are going really well!
Just typing that sentence makes me want to cry. I've wanted to be able to say that for a long time, and now I actually can. Not that everything is perfect, but definitely better. The plan my psychologist came up with is really helping. I feel like I've turned a corner. There is no magic fix for my myriad of issues, but something has changed.
The good days are outnumbering the bad days. I have more energy. Most days, I'm able to come home from work and actually do something, rather than immediately collapse on the couch. It's a nice feeling.
And the binge eating? It's not gone, but I no longer feel completely powerless against food. I'm feeling so much better overall that I'm mostly able to cope without turning to food. My therapist was right. The feelings of depression and anxiety are what causes me to binge eat. So treating those feelings treats the binging.
But I still can't help feeling like I'm walking on a tightrope. As well as things are going right now, I still feel like at any moment I could slip. That the darkness still lingers, one step behind me. And it scares me. My issues haven't disappeared. They're still there, lying in wait. I know I will struggle again. Like I said, there is no magic here.
Hope. That's what I have. Real, tangible hope. And I want to say thank you. For the never ending support and encouragement. For always reminding me that I can do this. For never giving up on me. My husband, my family, my friends, and the Diabetes Online Community. Without all of you, I NEVER would be here. You have carried me when I couldn't find the strength to stand.
As Hemingway said, I am "strong at the broken places."