Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Double Edged Sword

Without insulin, I would be dead.  Plain and simple. 

More specifically, I would have died almost twenty years ago.  This small, unassuming liquid is what keeps me alive.  So clearly, insulin holds a special place in my heart.  As do Banting, Best, and everyone else involved in its discovery.

All it takes is seeing a number like this to remind me that my life depends on insulin.

This?  This is pure misery.  I feel like I've been run over by a steamroller and then thrown in a swimming pool.  I think about all those people with Type 1 Diabetes before insulin was discovered and became accessible.  They died.  Period.  There was no alternative.  And what a miserable way to go it must have been.  I can't even imagine.  But I know that without insulin, I would meet the same fate.  Gone, in likely a matter of months.

But insulin is a double edged sword.  Yes, it keeps me alive.  But accidentally getting too much insulin could also kill me.

A low number in the middle of the night strikes terror into my heart.  Down to the very depths of my soulLike Kerri said, sometimes it does feel like I've dodged a bullet.

Nightime lows have killed people.  And this will continue to happen, until there is a cure.  An actual cure.  As much as I love insulin and am so grateful to have it, it is not a cure.  Not even close.

And so I live my life with this double edged sword.  All of us with Type 1 do.  Aiming for enough insulin, but not too much.  It's a delicate dance.

Friday, January 25, 2013


Well, crap.

Hm, let's see.  What was my last blood sugar?

When did I eat last?  How much did I bolus?  Did I underestimate the carbs?  Does my insulin to carb ratio need some work?

When did I put this pump site in?  Do I need to change it?  How does the site look?  Any blood around the site?  Does it smell like insulin?  Are there big bubbles in the tubing or reservoir?

Is something else going on?  Do I need a temp basal rate?  Am I getting sick?  Could it be hormones?  I feel ok.  Maybe stress?  Am I stressed?  I mean, I am now.  But was I feeling stressed or upset before?

Has my insulin gone bad?  Did the insulin in the reservoir get too warm?  When did I open the vial?  Should I try a new vial?


Ok Jess, deep breath.  Take a correction bolus, drink some water, and wait.  Check your bg again in an hour and we'll go from there.

The variables can be totally overwhelming.  But I can do this.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I Guess This Is What Happens...

I guess this is what happens when you wear some something every 
single day for six months.

Good thing I have a spare!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Look How Far I've Come!

Two years ago today, I wrote my very first post.  With lots of encouragement from Kim and C, I took the plunge and put myself out there.

And boy am I glad I did!

The community I found through twitter and this blog has truly changed my life.  The Diabetes Online Community has saved me from myself.

Two years ago, I binge ate practically every day.  My blood sugars were primarily in the 200s and 300s.  I was completely burned out, apathetic, and felt completely alone.

Look how far I've come!  And it's thanks to all of you.  Thank you for sharing your stories, for being so supportive and encouraging, and for carrying me when I didn't have the strength to stand on my own.

I am forever grateful.

Me and D 2012 Recap (thanks Kerri for the idea!)

January: "I love the Diabetes Online Community."

February: "You may have noticed I've been rather quiet lately."

March: "There is something magical about having this space, this little corner of the internet, to share my thoughts and feelings."

April: "Way more happened at the Medtronic Diabetes Advocates Forum than I can possibly describe myself."

May: "To me, if you live with diabetes or love someone who has diabetes of any kind, you are a hero." 

June: "I don't even know where to start."

July: "There are a lot of reasons I LOVE the Diabetes Online Community."

August: "Nineteen years ago yesterday, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes."

September: "Hi there."

October: "TCOYD.  YCDT.  Some acronyms from a few weeks ago."

November: "I'm almost afraid to say anything."

December: "Back before Thanksgiving, I made a trip to the endocrinologist."

Bring it, 2013!