Thursday, January 31, 2013
A Double Edged Sword
Without insulin, I would be dead. Plain and simple.
More specifically, I would have died almost twenty years ago. This small, unassuming liquid is what keeps me alive. So clearly, insulin holds a special place in my heart. As do Banting, Best, and everyone else involved in its discovery.
All it takes is seeing a number like this to remind me that my life depends on insulin.
This? This is pure misery. I feel like I've been run over by a steamroller and then thrown in a swimming pool. I think about all those people with Type 1 Diabetes before insulin was discovered and became accessible. They died. Period. There was no alternative. And what a miserable way to go it must have been. I can't even imagine. But I know that without insulin, I would meet the same fate. Gone, in likely a matter of months.
But insulin is a double edged sword. Yes, it keeps me alive. But accidentally getting too much insulin could also kill me.
A low number in the middle of the night strikes terror into my heart. Down to the very depths of my soul. Like Kerri said, sometimes it does feel like I've dodged a bullet.
Nightime lows have killed people. And this will continue to happen, until there is a cure. An actual cure. As much as I love insulin and am so grateful to have it, it is not a cure. Not even close.
And so I live my life with this double edged sword. All of us with Type 1 do. Aiming for enough insulin, but not too much. It's a delicate dance.