Thursday, July 25, 2013

So, Kids?


Subtitle of this post: No, I am NOT pregnant.

"So, when are you guys going to start having kids?"

Josh and I get this question ALL THE TIME!  I hate that question.  Personally, I think it's rude, insensitive, and none of your damn business.  But we're at the age where a lot of friends/coworkers/acquaintances are having kids.  So people ask.

Our usual answer?  Not anytime soon.

We're not willing to say we won't ever have kids, but that's definitely not what's right for us right now.  Maybe we'll change our minds in a few years.  Maybe we won't.  Time will tell.  Good grief, I'm not THAT old yet.

The only good thing about people asking this question?  An opportunity to educate, whether I want to or not.  If the people asking know I have Type 1, they often assume that means I can't have kids.  So the question turns into a chance to set the record straight.

Diabetes has absolutely NOTHING to do with my lack of desire for a child.  I really just don't want any kids right now.  That's it, I promise.

I know way too many fantastic, amazing women with diabetes who have children to be afraid.  So many beautiful children and beautiful mommies.  Healthy kids and healthy pregnancies.  Women with diabetes can most definitely have kids.

JacquieHollyKarenRenzaAmyBethanyKerriEmmaKim, Cherise, JenniferSarah, Jenn, Melissa, GinaChristel, Jennifer, Shannon, Lisa.  And those are just the ladies I could think of off the top of my head!  There are many, many more.

So if we decide we are ready for kids, I'll know that I can do it.  Thanks to all the amazing women who have.

But for now, I'm good being an observer.


18 comments:

  1. Congratulations on not revealing your hand to anybody! It takes a lot of restraint to address the question without getting deeply engrossed in a conversation you don't want to have. When my wife and I decided to have our first child, nobody knew we were trying. Not even our parents. After we revealed she was pregnant, some admitted they had expected it, but after giving terse answers like "Maybe, someday..." or "not right now...", they'd stopped asking.

    Nobody, and I mean NOBODY expected the second (except for us - he was totally planned). Our philosophy is that when there's news to share on the topic, we'll share it. Until then, you'll get nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice post. I was doing research on medical tubes such as FEP tubing for an article that I am writing when I came across your post. I am so glad I did, because I thought me and my boyfriend were the only ones getting asked when we are having kids all the time. I agree with you, I think that is a very rude question to ask. I honestly don't think that is anyone's business but mine and my boyfriend. We are also not ready for that huge change in our lives. Maybe we will someday but maybe we wont. Great comment Scott!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I commend you on writing this out loud!
    So many people think it's just "no big deal" to ask a very personal question like that.
    Ryan and I...we don't EVER plan on having kids and I'm not shy about being vocal about that.
    no one said we HAVE to have kids. "we" meaning the general population.
    People can still be together without procreating.
    and not choosing to have kids shouldn't be an opinion other people can get mad at.
    I'm going on a tangent here......
    You aren't old, you're right. But really, that's such a crazy personal question.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're right! No ones business! A year after Heather and I were married people were asking that. Its none of there business!! I commend you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tim - you got a whole year? Someone asked me on my WEDDING DAY when we were going to "start"!

    (Which, btw, is the most awkward question, because you're essentially asking, "So, when are you guys going to start having unprotected sex?" Crikey.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I ever do decide to have kids, I'm pretty sure at least someone in my family is going to be all, "FINALLY! We thought it would never happen!"

      My mom told me I could always adopt if I don't want to have 'em myself.

      Sigh.

      Thanks, Jess, for writing this. I am right there with ya, grrl.

      Delete
    2. My grandmother attempted to pull me onto her lap and ask me that at our rehearsal dinner!

      Delete
  6. I've been married to Matt for almost 7 years now, and we've been together since high school, so that's FIFTEEN years of being together. That's literally half my life, holy crap.

    But kids? My answer is also "not right now". Ever? I don't know. Seems like all my friends are starting families (now that most of them are married or life-partnered), and the thing I'd like most to give birth to right now is a big ol' manuscript for some kind of book.

    Also, my A1C is awful and my finances are meh. I'll do things when I'm good and ready. Or at least ready enough. How many times have people told me that you're never really to have a kid, so I "shouldn't wait too long"? Butt out, people. My body; my decisions.

    ReplyDelete
  7. OI.
    I am so sick of this question that sometimes when people ask me I pretend I didn't hear it and change the subject abruptly and rudely.

    Next time I might start asking insanely personal questions, like how old the person is or h ow much they weight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FYI Myself and the Mr., while we have been together 5+ years, are not yet legally married. I sure can't wait until we are! I bet the question will be NEVER ending.

      Delete
    2. I love this idea of replying by asking super personal questions. It gets the point across very nicely.

      Delete
  8. The spouse and I (married almost 20 years) were asked that a lot too. We wanted to wait until we could afford it (truth is, you can never really afford it). In the end, we didn't have any kids, but our life turned out just great anyway. I think you're smart for doing things in your own time.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't ask as it's none of my business.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well said, Jess! Well said.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Fabulous post! I get asked this a lot and since being diagnosed people ask even more, some even telling me it will be more difficult. Umm, maybe I don't actually want any! I also find it an incredibly personal question. I have told people that having kids is not in my plans and then I get lectured on what I am missing out on! No win situation sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Even if you do have a kid, people have no problem asking, "So, when are you having another one." Great post. Rude questions annoy me too. If you choose to have children or not is no one else's business. Know what I want for you? Whatever makes you happy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I know exactly how you feel and get asked that all the time. If we do decide we want children, we don't want them soon, but that was a decision made long before diabetes was a part of my life.
    After I was diagnosed, a family member told me that people will probably leave us alone about having kids now that I have diabetes. I was floored. Taking it as an opportunity to educate is a fantastic approach.
    In another avenue, I was talking with my OB about diabetes and some of my personal goals and she took my goal for my a1c to mean that I was wanting to get pregnant and assured me that I would need an a1c that low for a healthy pregnancy... I said, "I know, I want it for my health."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fred and I waited over 7 years after we got married... Unheard of where we live! I just used to say, " when we are good and ready, thankyouverymuch!"

    I just don't get why anyone thinks its their business

    ReplyDelete