Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Trigger warning: disordered eating.
One of the hardest things for me to do is forgive myself. Mostly when it comes to my binge eating. The guilt and shame can be so overwhelming. Sometimes it's impossible to see past those emotions.
But I've been working on it. Forgiving myself is something all three of my therapists have stressed. How important it is to learn how to forgive yourself for binging and move on.
I binged Monday night. I was upset, and I binged. Sat there on the couch and ate most of a bag of granola. Made an effort to bolus for it. Went to bed feeling guilty and fat.
In the morning, I woke up with a blood sugar of 377. Not a great way to start the day. Especially when I know it's my fault. But you know what? Somehow I was able to move on. Yes, I felt guilty. Yes, I binged. It happened, and there's nothing I can do to change it. Time to forgive myself and move on.
So surprisingly, yesterday was an excellent day. Forgiving myself means the guilt doesn't take over. It means starting the day with a clean slate, and doing my best. Progress, not perfection. And learning to forgive myself is part of progress.